Since my childhood I've been enamored with Charles Dickens' classic story "A Christmas Carol". Despite its relative brevity when compared with his other works, it has inspired me time and time again with its representation of the depravity and subsequent redemption of the infamous Ebenezer Scrooge. To me Scrooge has always embodied the essence of evil, a literary manifestation of the worst traits of human kind. Greedy, unfeeling, and unsympathetic to the plight of his fellow man, Ebenezer is such an vile and loathsome character that, until recently, I had found it difficult to identify with him. I looked to him as an example of what not to become, surely, never suspecting that I could be affiliated with him by anything other than species and sex. This year, however, upon beginning my annual rereading of this timeless classic I found that instead of my usual feelings of ire and ill will toward the previously named anti-hero I experienced a sort of bond with him bordering on kinship. I got the sense that perhaps we had more in common than I might have previously suspected.
I can honestly say that I'm largely innocent of Scrooge's more egregious offenses. My friends would (I hope) tell you that I rarely anger. I make frequent, if not large, donations to charity, and when I am witness to the suffering of others I am moved, sometimes to the point of tears. It is not in Scrooge's black heart and uncaring nature that I find parallels to myself, but rather, in our mutual disposition towards wasting our God given potential.
Scrooge is depicted as a shrewd man of business. His skills, put to proper use, would have allowed him to benefit the lives of countless others. He could have raised a family, helped the poor, and grown his business into an entity that could have employed and sustained countless others. He chose instead to horde the wealth he gained from his endeavors, secreting it away in accounts and coffers where it was of no benefit to him or anyone else.
While my own skills differ greatly from those of Ebenezer (I doubt honestly whether any of them would ever result in much financial gain) I find that as I look back on my 25 years of living they have been no less wasted. I have always harbored a certain affinity for music, dabbling in various instruments but never committing myself to a degree that would enable me to become truly proficient. I frequently express a fondness for writing and literature, the only visible evidences of this, however, are a few meager blog posts and a menagerie of undeveloped and unpromising ideas for stories that, if the past is any indication, I will never complete. I served a mission to Japan and am possessed of a moderate, though ever fading, grasp on the language. This too might have been honed into a skill that could perhaps have benefited myself and those around me. After much soul searching and introspection I come to the conclusion that I have squandered the majority of the gifts and opportunities in my life. Being afraid (of failure, or maybe even of success) I have hidden my talents in the earth and reaped the rewards of my sloth. Namely, a dead end job, and no prospects for a brighter future.
It took the intervention of a bevy of supernatural beings to awaken Scrooge to his plight and set him on the path of redemption. I fear that no such manifestation will be forthcoming for myself, but perhaps so dramatic a vision is not necessary. In recognizing my faults and weaknesses it is possible that I have taken the first step towards improving my lot. Perhaps in writing this I am, for the first time in a long time, recognizing that the path I currently tread will not lead me to the destination I seek. It is even possible, though unlikely, that I can find the motivation to change on my own. History tells me, however, that my nature will eventually get the better of me. I'll find solace in complacency, and in the years to come this post will stand as the only record of my brief commitment to bettering my situation. Perhaps I'll look back on it eventually, my potential still unfulfilled, my heart filled with regret.
and i'll probably end up looking like this guy...
